The Do's and Do Not's of PC Ownership

From the desk of The PC Surgeon

So, you're a PC owner. Although it will make you want to pull your hair out at times, you've decided that you can handle it. However, through my years of performing everything from computer repair to e-mail support, I have noticed some terrible habits out of power users and newbie's alike. Thus, I've decided to address most of those here. So, put your reading glasses on and see if you are guilty of breaking any of the Surgeon's pet peeves.

E-mail Do's & Do Not's

Internet Do's & Do Not's

Computer Do's & Do Not's

Software Do's & Do Not's

E-mail

This is quickly becoming the most abused area of computer usage. We're not only talking about bad spelling and grammar either. See if you are guilty of any of the following.

If you send or receive e-mail, antivirus software is not a choice, it's mandatory! - Here's the deal: if you had a really bad cold or illness that could be easily transmitted by being around someone, the considerate thing to do is to stay home away from the public. You wouldn't want to spread your germs around and infect other individuals. This is the same with e-mail. With the amount of viruses being sent today, sending e-mail without having any antivirus software installed and maintained is down right inconsiderate to the person you're sending e-mail to. Nobody wants your infected e-mail and some folks will request that you no longer e-mail them if you accidentally send them an infected message. It's embarrassing for you and can end up costing your recipient a lot of time, money, and total loss of data.

Once you have this antivirus software installed, it does you no good unless you UPDATE IT REGULARLY!!! You understand that you have to change the oil in your car frequently, or the oil will get old and not protect your engine. Antivirus software is the same way. If you don't update it frequently, it will get old and not protect your computer. Viruses are written at a rate of three to five a day. If your antivirus software is not updated, then it won't detect new viruses as they come out. Update yours today if you haven't done so recently.

Turn on your spell checker, use complete sentences, punctuate, and include any previous correspondence! - Also, proofread your e-mail BEFORE you send it! Just as with grammar, people judge your intelligence by the language you use. Here's a sample of what NOT to do (I actually received this):

"heelo junkman sense you said it could be my drivers could you dierect me me to were i can fine them i dont have the mony to put this thing in the shop could you repond to my other address this is my naybors pc across the street okay"

That was the whole e-mail. Because this person didn't include any previous correspondence, I had no clue as to who they were, or what they were talking about. I also didn't have my Captain Crunch decoder ring which allows you to see the periods at the end of each sentence. Most tech support departments won't even bother to respond to this type of e-mail, however, I have a business to run and understand that not everyone takes pride in their e-mail like I do. Thus, I usually respond to these e-mail's with a request for them to re-send the original information. I also ask for SOME punctuation (am I asking too much?).

When requesting FREE tech support via e-mail, SEND DETAILED INFORMATION! - Okay, I have to admit this one irks me too. Here's an example of what NOT to do:

Hello, my computer doesn't work anymore. It said something is missing. Do you have any suggestions?

Okay, since I was in the Marines for 6 years, I have quite a sarcastic streak that rears it's ugly head sometime. So, my first response to an e-mail like this is to reply with,

"Yea, buy another computer. Next question?"

Hey, it was a suggestion.

I type that in, laugh out loud, erase it, and then ask the person to send more info. Now I know we're all in a hurry these days, but my time is just as valuable as yours. If you want me to work for you for FREE, help me out a little. Imagine going to the doctor, and when he/she inquires as to your problem, the only thing that you would say is, "I hurt."

If I were the doctor, I'd start probing all of the places that hurt the most, with the biggest needle. I figure eventually you'll sound off and direct me to EXACTLY where the problem lies. That's what the Navy doctors did...

Now here's an example of what to send:

Hello, my computer was working fine until a friend suggested that I download an install Bonzi Buddy. He said that it was a free Antivirus program and would protect me from viruses like the SULFNBK.EXE virus. I did this and when I searched my computer for the sulfnbk.exe file, I found it! I then deleted the file as he suggested. Did I do the right thing?

Also, on an unrelated subject, my computer will not restore file names that are longer than 8.3 characters. I use to be able to restore them before, but now I can't. The exact error I get is, "Windows is unable to complete this request because of a missing file." It doesn't tell me what file is missing. Do you have any clue as to what file could be missing? I'm using an 800Mhz Gateway PC with 128M RAM running Windows 98 SE. Thanks.

Ahhhh....now that's an e-mail I look forward to answering. The requester has told me exactly what they did, and exactly what error messages they received. They have given me additional information as to what operating system they are running, as well as information about their computer. Although they don't realize it, they have answered their own question, and found out who to dump as their friend at the same time! When requesting tech support via e-mail, there's no such thing as being "too wordy". The technician will weed out what they don't need and take what is relevant. Look at it this way...

How much work do you think you would get out of someone, who at the end of the day, knew you were going to roll them up to a table with one White Castle hamburger? Now imagine how much work they would do if they knew you were going to roll them up to a table at Morton's Steak House...

It's all about the substance, man. Make sure you send some in your e-mail.

Don't send "War & Peace" through e-mail - From what I understand, that was a really long book. I wouldn't know, I haven't read it yet. But one thing I do know is if you send people a novel (a really long letter) through e-mail, they're gonna read about five lines of it, and then trash it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes you have to be wordy. This is often required when I send technical advice to someone, but that's an e-mail someone is waiting on, not just some random rant. Also, if you have to be wordy, break the letter up with a few paragraphs. There's nothing like a big block of words to continuously get lost in while reading.

Turn that darn "Caps Lock" button off! - Nothing says "I'm using an e-machine, been on the Internet for two hours, and my ISP is AOL" like sending an e-mail using all capital letters. In the computer world, using all capital letters is considered yelling, which should be reserved for showing emotion or using emphasis. A capital letter at the beginning of the sentence, and wherever else is appropriate will do.

Just because you haven't seen the joke, doesn't mean that the rest of us haven't - three million times already - Excessive joke sending is another thing that is badly abused. If you're new to the Internet, realize that a lot of us aren't. Thus, we've seen most of these jokes more times than we care to remember. So if you see, hear, or come across one of these Internet jokes that are just funny as all get out, only send it to your really close friends, who are also newbie's on the Internet. This way, your recipients won't set up a rule within their e-mail program that automatically deletes your e-mail when it arrives. I've got rules like this...

Don't mass e-mail everyone in your address book with worthless virus warnings! - Talk about a really big no no, this one takes the cake. When you do this, some other newbie forwards this on to everyone in their book, and this vicious cycle continues until a "spammer" (someone who sends out worthless and unwanted advertising) gets a hold of these addresses. Once a spammer has your e-mail address, you can look forward to receiving e-mail on everything from legal advice, to some blond chick humpin' a Doberman (I got that one 2 days ago). Needless to say, I'm not to happy with the person who mass e-mailed my address out.

Those virus warnings that you might receive via e-mail should first be checked out for validity. On my solution's page, you'll find links to web sites that verify if these warning are true or not. CHECK IT OUT BEFORE YOU SEND IT TO EVERYONE! (and yes, I was yelling.)

Be careful when choosing your font and e-mail wallpaper - In other words, if the letters in your e-mail are too small for those of us with 20/20 vision to read, then that e-mail is probably going to get trashed. That's just plain inconsiderate (especially for those who can't see that well). Also, choose a background that doesn't cause your words to disappear. A person shouldn't have to perform surgery in order to extract your e-mail from some cute background. The neon colored backgrounds are just an out right nuisance.

Do not respond to a spammer's e-mail! - DON'T RESPOND, NO MATTER WHAT! If you get the blond/Doberman e-mail (or any other unwanted e-mail), don't bother responding to it, even if it does contain the part where it states, "reply to blah@blah.com and put remove as the subject." This only confirms to the spammer that your e-mail address is good and you'll end up receiving quadruple the amount of unwanted e-mail. About the only thing you can do is report it to Spam Cop, and that's only if it's less than 24 hours old. Here are a few more links to organizations that deal with spam that you might find very interesting:

CAUCE, The Coalition Against Unsolicited Commercial Email

Last of all, update your Microsoft Office programs! - You can find updates for all of your Office programs here:

http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/officeupdate/default.aspx

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Internet

The Internet is nothing more than a bunch of computers, all over the world, connected together by telephone lines (that's a simplified description but it basically sums it up). However, in all of its simplicity, folks still find ways to get into a whole lot of trouble. Here are some things to watch out for.

All that glitters is NOT gold! - Just because you can download it for free, doesn't mean that it's worth having. Many "free" applications contain "spyware" and "adware". That is, software that not only tracks your movement across the Internet, but also sends this information (along with your e-mail address in some cases) back to companies who in turn tailor spam (unsolicited e-mail) and pop-up ads for you to receive. This "free" software can also bring other "free" software down with it, which can reduce you computer's performance by always running in your computer's background operation. Hey, if someone showed up at your front door giving away free, slightly used port-a-potties, you wouldn't break your neck trying to drag one in the house no matter how "free or slightly used" the thing was now would you? Free, is not always a good thing.

How can you tell which free software titles are safe to try and which are not? Read the licensing agreement! It will actually say whether or not the software comes "bundled" with other little critters, however, you may need a law degree in order to decipher the notice. If you can't tell for sure, don't install it!

A hyperlink requires only 1 click! - I have noticed that people who have a lot of trouble with their computer locking up on the Internet, tend to double-click or multi-click the hyperlinks. Hyperlinks are the colored and underlined words, or pictures that you click on in order to be taken to another page, site, or section of a web site. For example, clicking on these words will take you back to my home page. The key to hyperlinks is you only click them 1 time. Clicking them multiple times because you're impatient, or double clicking them, only causes your browser to eventually lock up. Realize that every page on the Internet is not going to load as fast as the next, so you should either be patient, or spend about a thousand dollars ( give or take a couple of hundred) a month for a T3 connection. Then you'll know the problem isn't on your end.

Read BEFORE you click! - Some folks just click anything without bothering to read what might be "the consequences". Every once in a while a piece of software or web site pop up might warn you that,

"Your home page is about to be changed to big booty girls of the orient, your mouse cursor is going to turn into a big booty icon, and your e-mail address is going to be sent to other big booty lovers. Proceed?"

If you're one of those "click happy before reading" types, you might miss that little warning. Believe me; once you get hooked by one of these sites, it's a lot harder to get unhooked. Not to mention some of the gross things you'll start receiving.

Just in case the first paragraph didn't get the point through, Bonzi is not your buddy! - Those talking birds, those giggling gorillas, and those crafty gator's are not your friends. Do not download them at all. This is a common mistake of novice users. These items almost always contain spyware, do more harm than good, and aren't that cute when you have to pay someone to fix your computer. Bonzi is NOT your buddy.

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Computers

Restarting your computer fixes a boat load of problems! - If there is one piece of advice that I can offer a novice computer user, this is it. So many users make the problem worse by trying to reinstall the software, deleting files, changing settings, or letting some other novice user work on it. If you experience a computer problem, restart the computer before you try anything else!

If your computer is used by multiple people, restart it BEFORE you use it - This applies to anyone using a Microsoft based operating system. Since they are buggy to begin with, you have no idea what problem was experienced by the previous user. Thus, you should always restart the computer before you use it and save yourself a headache later on.

Not everyone is cut out to be a computer technician! - Okay, here we go. Often, you will be advised as to what you should do in order to repair your computer problem. Sometimes these fixes sound simple and are easy to follow. However, if the instructions sound Greek, or you're not sure that you really understand what to do, leave it alone. Here's an example of why:

A gentleman called me to come over and save the day because his computer was down. It was the company computer, and contained a lot of very important and critical data (payroll information, critical company files). In order to fix his original problem, all he had to do was reboot (or restart) his computer. By the time he had finished doing what he had done, he had went one step too far. Since we had to retrieve his critical company files, we had to send his hard drive off to a data recovery company, which charged him $2095.00 to retrieve the data. If he would have called me before he made that one critical mistake, it would have only cost him $95. Ouch.....

What do we learn from this? Well, I sometime feel like the Pope upon arriving at some locations after the fuss they make! However, you can screw a computer up to the point where there's nothing that I can do and the data is lost forever, so heed the next suggestion. If you're not a computer tech, and the problem with your computer is way over your head, and your computer contains very important and critical data, call someone who knows what they're doing. Now that sentence contains improper grammar, but you better believe the advice is solid. It hurts me to tell someone who's crying big crocodile tears that there is nothing that I can do to save the day. I am only a man...okay The PC Surgeon.

Repairing a computer sometimes takes a patient person who wants to learn this stuff. I have that patience when it comes to teaching and computer repair. I do not have that patience when it comes to transmission repair, changing the oil in my car, assembling model airplanes, or doing yard work. That's why I pay someone else to do it. If you don't have the patience, or the willingness to learn computer repair, save yourself a headache and some money by having someone else, who is qualified, to do the work for you. Don't make a 5 minute problem turn into a two hour $195 repair.

Do not set your monitor next to a sub-woofer, unshielded stereo speakers, or microwave oven - I could put you to sleep explaining what happens when you do this, but I'll refrain. Just realize that you can do permanent damage to your monitor. Those little satellite speakers are safe to place where ever you please.

Liquid + electronics = smoke. Period. Keep them separated, and don't allow your children to pick up this bad habit.

Your CD-ROM, CD-RW, and DVD players have an open and close button on them - Use them. Jamming that tray closed is the quickest way to burn up the motor that operates those trays. Teach your children the proper way to close the trays.

If you buy a brand new computer for $99.00, don't expect it to do your laundry or watch the kids! - I understand that folks want to save money but if you're not willing to do the research on how much computer parts cost, don't complain about the way that piece of junk performs that you bought for dirt cheap. So many folks want to take a seven year old computer, buy a 20Gb hard drive for it, and then expect it to run Windows XP. Folks, it ain't happening. Do the research, find out how much a quality computer cost, and buy something that will allow you to grow with your computer. A good resource for finding out how much a quality machine cost? Your friends and coworkers! They'll let you know if they bought something worth while, or a piece of junk.

A particular company out there ripping folks off is Blue Hippo. They claim that they will sell you a computer with no credit check, no matter how bad your credit is. The catch is you have to pay for the computer up front before they send it to you. Geez, why would you need credit? The rip off is when you get the computer, you still owe about $1500.00 on the purchase. The computer is barely worth a the $400-$500 bucks you've already paid, and then they rip you for the rest. This company has had a bad rating with the Better Business Bureau since January 2004 and should be avoided like the plague.

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Software

Restarting your computer fixes a boat load of problems! - Do you see a theme here? If there is one piece of advice that I can offer a novice computer user, this is it. So many users make the problem worse by trying to reinstall the software, deleting files, changing settings, or letting some other novice user work on it. If you experience a computer problem, restart the computer before you try anything else!

If your computer is used by multiple people, restart it BEFORE you use it! - This applies to anyone using a Microsoft based operating system. Since they are buggy to begin with, you have no idea what problem was experienced by the previous user. Thus, you should always restart the computer before you use it and save yourself a headache later on.

Backup your data! - I can't believe that I have to put this here, but you would be surprised to find out how many companies, as well as home users, never back up their data. Everyone experiences some type of computer catastrophe one day. It's just a question of when. There are various ways (or mediums) used in order to backup your data. I recommend CD's. They are the most reliable, can be copied, transported, and stored easily. Of course, this is not practical if you're backing up major amounts of data, like a big company server. I guarantee, if you keep putting this off, you'll get bitten.

If you use any Microsoft operating system, you're using a defective product! - The question you should ask is, "What can I do about it?" Well, there is an answer and it's called the "Windows Update" web site. This is where Microsoft places the software fixes (that they'll confess up to) for your operating system (OS). Basically, when you purchase a new computer, the OS on that computer probably contains bugs (bad instructions within the software). Thus, the first thing you should do with your computer is get online and download those critical updates for your OS.

That site is located at :

http://v4.windowsupdate.microsoft.com/en/default.asp

This site addresses a lot of security issues that plague your operating system, and other Microsoft software. There is a lot of good information here and you should only concern yourself with downloads that reflect the software that you presently have and use. In other words, if there is a security patch for Microsoft Money, and you don't have Microsoft Money installed on your computer, then don't bother downloading the patch.

Quit double-clicking things that you have no idea as to what they are! - Man, is this abused! I fix more computers where a novice user has launched (or tried to launch) something that they had no clue as to what it was. Why did they do it? They wanted to see what would happen. I've often wondered about life after death, but you can bet I'll be sitting this one out until I have no choice!

Here's the deal. There are a lot of files on your computer that you are not to have any direct interaction with whatsoever. This means that you are not to bother them unless instructed to do so by a computer or software technician. Those files will have a small Microsoft flag on them, unless you're using Windows XP. I can't really describe what those look like except to say that they're very faded in color if you have chosen for the computer to show you it's hidden files. The computer does not have a clue what to do with these files if you double-click them. The computer does however have a unique way of screwing you if you do double-click them. It allows you to choose the action that the computer should take when you double-click that type of file. If you choose the wrong action, things get real ugly. It can probably be fixed, but most novice users will make the problem really bad before they call anyone.

Your decrepit, old door stop of a computer, cannot run Internet Explorer 6.0 or Windows XP! - I don't understand what some people are thinking of here. Every piece of software on the planet has a "minimum system requirement." That means that if your computer does not have a certain amount of space on the hard drive, a certain amount of RAM (random access memory), a certain amount of processor speed, then you should not be trying to install that piece of software. Yet, I see people trying to install Windows XP on a computer they bought back in 1991! Also, if your computer just barely meets the minimum system requirements, don't expect the software to perform that well.

Let's compare it to something we can all relate to. Imagine if the person you had to marry didn't meet your minimum spouse material requirements:

Your Requirements

Must have at least a high school diploma, be able to form complete sentences, chew with their mouth closed, be somewhat attractive, well groomed, and able to hold a steady, decent paying job.

Your Future Spouse

Thought school was over when they graduated from the 6th grade, spoke with grunts and finger pointing, would suffocate if they closed their mouth (nose nonfunctional), was butt ugly, had a cloud of dirt that followed them around, and couldn't pour water out of a bucket if the instructions were on the bottom (of the bucket - for you young folks who's parents were not "old school" like mine).

Now for the million dollar question: Are you two going to be very compatible? I'd say that's probably going to be a resounding NO! Your computer is the same way. The mixing of software and hardware (your computer and the disk you install the software from) is a "marriage" of sorts. Load some software that is too much for your door stop, and the computer has it way of showing you that "it ain't happening" by slowing down to a crawl. Some folks reading this need to just break down and just buy a new computer. All the upgrading in the world is useless to your 7 year old computer. Accept it.

When installing software, pay attention to ALL OF THE WINDOWS, LICENSING AGGREMENTS, CHECK MARKS, BOXES, and WARNINGS! - Here's the one mistake that novice users make, and then ask the question, "Where did that come from? I didn't install it!"

Yes you did!

Whenever you install software, there are things that you should look for. Things like boxes that are checked that say, "Burn my house down whenever I start my computer." Okay, sarcasm is rearing its head again, but I think you get the point. You should look for these boxes. There are no programs that need to start with Windows except antivirus software, or software pertaining to some device that you use every time you start your computer. If the software gives you a choice, then it's probably not necessary. Also, a lot of free software comes along with trash like Gator and Bonzi Buddy, which is known spyware. Most of the time, you can opt out of installing this crap, but if you're click happy and are not paying attention to what you are doing, then the next time you boot your computer, stand by for decreased performance and frequent lock-ups.

Another thing to look out for are warnings from the manufacturer. If for instance, you are running Windows 95, and the software you're attempting to install throws up a window during the installation that states "This software will not run properly on Windows 95", don't bother paying someone to attempt to make it work after you went ahead with the install. If it says it won't work on your operating system, then accept it, unless you are a computer geek and know how to fix your own computer.

Here's one installation goof up that a lot of novices make. They find out, suspect, or are told that they have a virus on their computer. They run out and buy a copy of Norton SystemWorks. They start the installation process, and a window pops up that says something like, "If you're installing this software because you suspect that you have a virus, hit CANCEL and follow the instruction blah, blah, blah." It also warns that continuing the installation will only make things worse. What do they do? They install the software anyway, and then complain that the software doesn't work. The first problem you're going to have stems from the fact that you didn't follow the manufacturers instruction. The second stems from the fact that you're installing some software that you need to have an understanding of in order to use it responsibly.

Speaking of Norton SystemWorks, for those of you who would be computer repair novices or wanting to fix your computer (which is working fine as it is), heed this warning. Those "fix all" software programs are deadly in the hands of someone who does not take the time to read up on how they work, or if they work at all. They tend to be major resource hogs, and can render your computer useless if you attempt to run every utility that they offer, without fully understanding what you're doing. Unless you're going to take the time to read the manuals on this type of software, you are best served to leave the computer repairing to the computer repairman.

Check out this analogy: If you were a body builder and the only thing you knew about steroids was that they make your muscles big, you'd probably use it by the boatload, right? But if you also new that prolonged use of anabolic steroids in relatively high doses will lead to hypogonadotrophic hypogonadism, with decreased serum concentrations of LH, FSH, and testosterone (layman's term - reduced desire and ability to become aroused), you'd probably think twice about putting that stuff in your system. Hmmm......

This is the end of my rant for now. If I can think of anymore information that will be of use to those of you who find this helpful, I'll post it. Until then...

The PC Surgeon

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